You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
