Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
