The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
