I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
