Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
