You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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