So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
