Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
