I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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