he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize