You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
