You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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