i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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