I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
