He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
