Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
