the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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