Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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