I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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