I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I looked at my own cervix.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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