Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
