Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
