Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize