I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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