so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I know her cup size but not her name....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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