i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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