I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
