also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
