Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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