How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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