weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
