she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize