Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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