I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
