Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
