Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
