please come you make the beer taste better
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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