you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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