But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
