My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
