i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I supernannyed him into submission
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
