Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
