at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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