you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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