No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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