It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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