My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
