I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
