Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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