Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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