Don't you send me to vm
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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