Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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