You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
