Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
