the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I did not marry a roomba.
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