Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
