there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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