so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
