I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
