My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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