Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
