why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
