Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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