my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
