I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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