Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize