i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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