You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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