the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
