the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Girls should come with a carfax report
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
