Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sext me about skeletons
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
