I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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