"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
