I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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