i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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