Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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