I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
