So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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