eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
