she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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