Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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